Friday Footie Police Blotter

'Allo 'allo, What's all this then? Just as the dust has begun to settle on the whole Sunderland sex tape scandal, today brings a fresh crop of footballers behaving badly. First up in the dock - Pompey's Congolese striker Lomana Lua Lua, who apparently got into a ruck with his significant other in the wee hours of the night and has been charged with assault with bodily harm. More bizarre is the case of Lua Lua's teammate Glen Johnson, who's on loan at Pompey this season on loan from Chelski. You'd have thought that Premiership footballers would be paid reasonably well; however, Glen and a mate were nicked yesterday for stealing a load of toilet seats from a DIY shop in Kent. What on earth will 'Appy 'Arry have to say to them? Whatever it is, I'm betting it won't be suitable for family consumption!